Why it’s okay to let life be bittersweet…
A few weeks ago, I had my convocation from my Master’s Degree at the University of Calgary. It was the first U of C convocation since November 2019.
Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE celebrating graduations. My family loves to celebrate our graduations; these celebrations are a beautiful part of my family traditions and hold a lot of meaning.
Part of this experience was amazing. But also, part of this experience was sad and disappointing.
What was amazing was that I LOVED my master’s program and I am SO proud of myself – it challenged me in numerous ways and really stretched me. I learned and grew immensely from my profs, my peers and my own hard work. I wrote my capstone paper on the effects of racial discrimination in Canadian workplaces and the role of HR practitioners and adult educators. I researched and wrote this paper during a time where these racial injustices were brought to light in a way that I had never witnessed during my lifetime. This required me to hold space for the deep pain I felt as a bi-racial women talking about my observations and experiences with racism and discrimination in predominately white spaces - in a way that I have never publicly discussed. It also required me to examine and question my own deeply held beliefs and my own inherent privileges. As a result, I feel so much self-love and self-pride for how I showed up and how I’ve learned and grown since then.
What was disappointing was that were no attendees allowed other than graduates. So, my family and friends watched remotely from a livestream, and I didn’t get to be with them on that day.
What was sad was that I also know that this graduation would have been a significant and important milestone for a few of my close relatives who have passed away and aren’t here for me to celebrate with.
The reason why I’m sharing all of this is because I’m a life-coach.
And my life’s work is to coach women, women of colour & people socialized as women on their thoughts and feelings – to help them learn tools to liberate their minds from the oppressive structures in which we live.
And although coaching is a tool for liberating our minds from the oppressive belief systems that hold us back – it’s not about “positive” self-talk to feel better.
Coaching isn’t about using tools to feel good the time or live a perfectly, happy life. Rather, it’s about embracing the full human experience – which means allowing moments of sadness and disappointment to exist. It isn’t about “seeing the bright side” or “spiritually by-passing” the human experience.
Instead, it’s about meeting yourself with love, self-compassion, and understanding when you’re having a human experience.
And so, my work as a coach and as a human, is to allow myself to feel the joy and pride AND the sadness and disappointment that has arisen. To process and allow it all to be there. One is not better than the other – it’s all part of it. And it’s easier when all of it is welcome.
I don’t coach people to “feel better” about oppressive structures in our society or to look on the bright side of things. Instead, I coach people to see their own power in determining what it is they want to think and feel for themselves *on purpose* about the facts of their lives
Deciding that you want to feel sad and disappointed sometimes can be extremely powerful and empowering.
And that’s what mindset work is about – choosing how you want to think and feel, intentionally.
hi there!
I’m Natasha Tekeste.
I work with women who want to shift their beliefs around money and wealth so they can leave the drama behind and focus on actually doing work that they love to do.
